Mashed Potatoes

So, now we’re on to mashed potatoes, but I feel like I should warn you that I’ve already eaten my dinner and it was amazing. But I am here to tell you how to mimic my food creation experiences. So lets dive in and have fun. I’m still a little boozed, though. And I plan to continue drinking while I write this up.

I took ten potatoes, (way too many) and began peeling them. I’ve got this great potato peeler – dunno where my mother got it, but the damned thing just slices the skin off these potatoes like a dream. I use Yukon Gold potatoes; they are buttery flavored, and are probably the best for making mashed potatoes in my book. Once ten of these were peeled, (the peels are still sitting in my sink) I went about quartering them. Sorta.

What I did with the larger ones, (about the size of my fist) I cut those into thirds, then halved the thirds, then eighthed the halves of the thirds of the fist-sized-potatoes.The others I just cut into halves, then halved the halves, the eighthed the halves. Threw’em all in a pot, and boiled the hell out of them. You’d be surprised how much hell is in a potato. There’s a lot in there.

After boiling for a while, they were ready to go. (You stab’em with a fork to find out; if they are soft and they fall apart, you’re good to go.) Drain’em in a strainer; you don’t want water in your potatoes. Well, not much, anyway. Then I do something a little different from other people. I take about a tablespoon of garlic, about a cup of heavy whipping cream, half a stick of butter, and half a cup of sour cream. Take your beater and beat the living snot out of those potatoes until they are whipped like fluffy clouds.

Add pepper and salt, mix again, and you have amazing mashed potatoes. You’re welcome, Internet.

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